Stero-types, Candybars and a Whole Lota Nonsense (END THE INCESSANT ADVERTIZING part 4)

Ok my first flame of the day is on the extra mint gum. I mean what's the deal here? Why are they ridiculing the Scottish? I thought extra was an American company. You know the numbers get quite staggering when I think of all of the companies that ridicule the Scotch. Theres the commercial advertizing the min snack bars, the Alexander Keiths raving Scottsman and now the extra gum. I'm probably missing a few, i think I saw an oatmeal commercial with the scottish people in it (actually I think that was funny, but it was a long time ago.) I mean, what does everyone have against the Scotch? They're a cool people. They have given the world some of the most famous actors (Sean Connery for one), they're a proud people and they know how to celebrate new years, I mean REALLY celebrate it (I swear my New Years eve is sitting home watching comedy shows on the cbc with a botte of some sparkling beverage, unfermented! Boy!) The ironic thing is that they invented the television only to be ridiculed on it through incessant crappy advertizing. I think it's about time somebody stuck up for the Scots. They are a cool people (if you think otherwise, you have obviously never heard of Billy Boyd!) and I think it's time someone stood up for them (although the scotts can fight their own battles as William Wallace has taught us. Seriously if i weren't Canadian, I would be Scotch. That's all I have to say on this point...for now!
Candy bars are sporting more and more stupidity lately. Think about the Kit Kat morons. Exhibit a, moronic kit-kat male model, the first in a long line of bad advertizing. Typical diolougue from his scene.
MKKMM:i have to put on a sexy pouty face, but not sexy...dangerously sexy!
Ok the ploy here is that if this dude deserves a break so do you, and it would of been funny if it hadn't spawned a moronic Kit Kat Kult.
Exhibit B the Doin' Nothin' Kit Kat Morons:
DNKKM#1: so I says dude I'm takin' a break
DNKKM#2: And I say dude, what were you doing that you were taking a break from?
DNKKM#1:And I say nothin' (laffs) because I'm doin' nothing.
DNKKM#2: And I say dude, if you were doin' nothin' how do you know you're takin a break?
DNKKM#1: And I said cause I'm havin a Kit Kat.
ugh! If script writing couldn't get worse (did I say worse? Well maybe not compared to the writing of "Dude Where's my Car?")enter exhibit C, the Kit Kat Peanut Butter Krunchy Morons.
KKPBKM#1: I told my girlfriend I was havin' a Kit Kat Krunchy...you think she's tryin' to tell me something?
KKPBKM#2: Dude they're always trying to tell you something!
Pardon me, what was supposed to be funny? The Sheer stupidity? Now here's the thing about stupid humor: Odie from Garfield is funny, these "dudes" are not. Why beacause Odie does not realize he is a moron. These two dudes do. Now when actors admit to the audience that they themselves know that they are moronic, it ruins the realism and just looks like clowning in front of the camera, and ergo isn't funny. That's for all you would be commercial writers out there ( I swear, if you ever one day write another car commercial where a car magestically up roots a building from the ground, you shall find an SUV one day parked through your wall!)
More dumb candy bars? If you insist! How about the commercial where the dad trys to convince his young idiots-(or kids whichever you prefer) that coffee crisp makes a nice light snack and they refuse to believe this. Now I believe that this commercial is playing homage to it's old slogan...just in a very stupid way.

dad: coffee crisp makes a nice light snack!
girl: just because you say something is true doesn't make it that way dad!

Hate to burst your bubble kid, but in this case it does! So...why was I supposed to laugh again? Kids dont believe daddy even though he's right? Sooooo....what! I dont know but something just ranks very stupid and pointless on the commercial scale of stupidity. out of a 10 (10 being really bad!) it ranks a 90 to the 30000. Yeah, not funny or even ammusing! Maybe I should add a few more zeros to that figure.

Dad: you kids need to get out more!

Well DUHHHH! Maybe to a school dad? You ever think of that huh? Huh? Do yuh! Oh yeah If I leave my kids at school all their lives maybe they'll grow up to be intellegent lifeforms with a ghost of a chance of fitting into society and not being morons who question me about STUPID SLOGANS FOR CHOCOLATE BARS!!!!!!! ....oy!
I'm going to take you on a trip down memory lane to a time when chocolate bar commercials are good. Enter the Crispy Crunch, the bar was okay but the commercials rocked. They had this ploy where the commercial was a simple concept, a dude walks into a store orders a chocolate bar and then likes it. It was the same concept...but every commercial you saw was just a little different than the next. In one of the it was all done with puppets on strings. In one of the the guy bying the candy explodes etc etc. Allways the same dialouge characters and location...but always a bit different. It was clever and attention grabbing. They dont make commercials like that anymore...shame!
Yo I could go on for ever but I think I will have to say my truth detector girl, and Mister Wendy the "Unofficial Spokesman" and "I'm Lovin' it" for another tell.
So untill we meet again...I am the undisputed king, and I bid you ado!