The First Official Sean Baldwin Report

Ladies and Gentlemen I reget to say, I have some disturbing news. This concerns a friend of mine who shall remain nameless, so just don't read the title of this blog. I wouldnt want to embarass poor Sean Baldwin. The tragic events started months ago but just today the problem escallated to new lows.
It was Monday the 24th of October when my poor nameless friend hit rock bottom. We were innocently walking home for lunch when my unnamed friend saw a figure in the distance. "Hey is that Jeff?" he said.
Now the reader must note here that jeff is undoutedly a man's name, in this case a boy. This boy, named Jeff who he was refering to has a Fro. The figure in front of us did not have a fro but had a lot of hair. Now the reader must also note that this figure was a girl. Undoubtedly a girl, especially from the back. Unless it was a man with a figure, long hair and wearing female pants, it could not have possibly been a guy.
I turned to my friend whose name shall not be mentioned and I said "Sean Baldwin, that is not a guy. That is a girl, in fact I think it is..." The name here is not important as we do not want to ofend anyone like my firend Sean Balwin whose name shall not be mentioned.
Upon walking up to this girl, who was deffinately not a guy as I have mentioned before. This finally made us both realize the great tragedy: Sean Baldwin who shall not be named does not have a girlfirend. In fact he knows so little about girls that he thought one was a guy....named Jeff! Ergo, seeing that his knowledge of the force well surpasses his knowledge of the female of our species is sadening and discomforting. But fear not, there is hope. Fortunately I am a man who can get a female to slap him in under 10 seconds ( my record is 7) indicating a great fascination towards me of the party of the second part. Thus I shall begin a great crusade to educate the poor aimeless slob named sean baldwin who shall not be named under any cicumstances. This means during my experiment in recovery we shall not give the nameless sean baldwin a name like, oh, I dont know...SEAN BALDWIN for example? Thus I shall educate him about the world of women, or something. So sit tight, and check for more posts on my friend's path to recoevery. Peace out!

Sean Baldwin Says: "Girls? Yeah I've heard of them! Is that red blue or HD DVD?"

P.S. You will notice I never told you that the name of my friend is Sean Baldwain and you still dont know that his name is Sean Baldwin.