Lets Make a few Notes...(Sean Baldwin VS. The Girls part four)

Ok ok ok ok. I think I just might have gone in over my head with this one! Educating Sean Baldwin about girls is not going to be as easy as I thought. I had to fail him on the picture association quiz, though I did give him an 'A' for effort (he tried, bless his heart, he did try!) I will give him this though...even I'm not sure about the body-builder! Yikes!

These tests have lead me to believe a very important truth...Sean is a nerd! I know what you're thinking, "Dude, you've known this guy since you were in grade three, he's a hard core computer gamer, he thinks female is an extention of g-mail, only with more inbox space! And you're telling me you didn't know he was a nerd?" Yes, yes all true. But you must remember one can lie on borderline nerdiness with out actually gaining the rank of "nerd."

Since Sean knows so little about girls that if he were to be locked in a room with a beautiful and friendly girl, chances are he would try to install 'battlefield 2' on her hard drive (which would not be well recieved on the part of the girl!) I prepared a few diagrams to help him understand the basics. I started with the easy stuff, as you have to crawl before you walk or as sean would say "u hve 2 get up ur micro b4 u can pwn!!!!!!!!13367!!!!" I have posted the notes below.

(click to enlarge)

Sean Says: "So the one with the dress...is that like the USMC?"

SeaN Baldwin Picture Association

Ok let us review the facts: Sean baldwin does not know how to treat girls. What am I saying? Treat them? He doesnt know what they are! T
hus I have prepared a little picture association quiz for him to take entitled "Is this a Girl?"


Seans Answer: He does have the man boobs....

Sean: Whoa.... That guy is really gay.....

Sean: BOOM HEADSHOT!!!!!!11!!!!!!! That is 1337 H#@XorS!
Sean: Well he is pregnant.....what's with the wrench????
Sean: WTF?! 'Root me'?!?!?!? I guess she is like some uber n00b that doesn't know how to plant a tree....
Sean: Is this a trick question?
Sean: This is a tough one.... Either way I won't beable to sleep tonight.
Sean: Guy! Definitley a guy! Surronded by his 4 girlfriends.....oh wait maybe it's the team from cool runnings!

Sean, sean, sean...we have much work to do....

Sean Baldwin Evaluation

I have decided to give my friend a preliminary evaluation in order to see what his strenghts and weaknesses iin the area of women. The results are below. I am sorry to say the results are not favourable. But there is hope as his answer to question three indicates, at least he knows enough about girls to know he knows nothing about them. I realize now that the experiment will prove more difficult than I had first anticipated. I realise that I will have to start with the basics. Tomorow I shall give him a piture association test entitled "Is This a Girl?"

(Click for larger view)

Sean Says: "Was this testing my micro??!!11!!!"

The First Official Sean Baldwin Report

Ladies and Gentlemen I reget to say, I have some disturbing news. This concerns a friend of mine who shall remain nameless, so just don't read the title of this blog. I wouldnt want to embarass poor Sean Baldwin. The tragic events started months ago but just today the problem escallated to new lows.
It was Monday the 24th of October when my poor nameless friend hit rock bottom. We were innocently walking home for lunch when my unnamed friend saw a figure in the distance. "Hey is that Jeff?" he said.
Now the reader must note here that jeff is undoutedly a man's name, in this case a boy. This boy, named Jeff who he was refering to has a Fro. The figure in front of us did not have a fro but had a lot of hair. Now the reader must also note that this figure was a girl. Undoubtedly a girl, especially from the back. Unless it was a man with a figure, long hair and wearing female pants, it could not have possibly been a guy.
I turned to my friend whose name shall not be mentioned and I said "Sean Baldwin, that is not a guy. That is a girl, in fact I think it is..." The name here is not important as we do not want to ofend anyone like my firend Sean Balwin whose name shall not be mentioned.
Upon walking up to this girl, who was deffinately not a guy as I have mentioned before. This finally made us both realize the great tragedy: Sean Baldwin who shall not be named does not have a girlfirend. In fact he knows so little about girls that he thought one was a guy....named Jeff! Ergo, seeing that his knowledge of the force well surpasses his knowledge of the female of our species is sadening and discomforting. But fear not, there is hope. Fortunately I am a man who can get a female to slap him in under 10 seconds ( my record is 7) indicating a great fascination towards me of the party of the second part. Thus I shall begin a great crusade to educate the poor aimeless slob named sean baldwin who shall not be named under any cicumstances. This means during my experiment in recovery we shall not give the nameless sean baldwin a name like, oh, I dont know...SEAN BALDWIN for example? Thus I shall educate him about the world of women, or something. So sit tight, and check for more posts on my friend's path to recoevery. Peace out!

Sean Baldwin Says: "Girls? Yeah I've heard of them! Is that red blue or HD DVD?"

P.S. You will notice I never told you that the name of my friend is Sean Baldwain and you still dont know that his name is Sean Baldwin.

Happiness is Gum commercials (END THE INCESSANT ADVERTS)

There is one type of commercial which alm0st always brings a smile, oddly enough the gum commercials. You remember the commercial I talked about in blog XX about the guy chewing gum and his head freezes? Yeah funny stuff. Let me in brief list a few other priceless gum moments in television and let us see why they leave other commericals in the dust.

1) "People are Irresistable..."
the famous gorilla made his appearance by snagging an office worker who had just popped some excel into her mouth and revered in the fresh iciness of the gum. Upon doing so she in turn was snatched up by Kong, who does the same. And you thought all you had to worry about in the business world was the glass ceiling!
Only was the commercial superbly animated with claymation characters the attention to detail, and the overall politeness of the English gorilla, absorbs you in the commercial readily.

2) "This matress is firm, but it still has give..."
Upon buying a futon and popping some of this gum, a girl becomes excited and pushes her boyfriend down upon the futon, and proceeds to kiss him vigourously (among other things!)
The bewildered seller, continues her sales pitch, and the couple keep on having a rather sensational time, even when dumped onto the floor. Wow! That's some powerful stuff! I outa get some for that aloof girl in my english class (you know who you are!)

3) "Wooah, wgooo"
I dont remember when this was on but the gist of it is a dude at a party see the girl he likes heading his way. Noticing that his breath might kill any over-flying birds, he stuffs a whole packet of gum into his mouth. When she approaches, he talks to her, but his mouth is full opf gum and all that he says is "Woooah wahhh goool" or something to the effect. But the situation resolves it's self when she talks, her mouth also full of gum and responds by saying "Wahhhooogooo".


Now any idiot can note that these commercials are hilarious (as I am doing now!) But what makes them better than all the others? Personally I think they have more heart than other commercials. They actually try hard to wrtie funny gags. Take the competition. You remember that lebat add with the "doesnt do any work friend"? Oh yeah thats really funny, some dude at the cottage isnt doing work getting the canoe upright. I have as much respect for the lebatt comercials as anyone (I dont drink, but all the beer commercials are on during the hockey) but my laughter was absent when that commercial aired.
Another thing to note is the care taken for the gum commercials. You will note the small but poignant details in them. The smirk on the gorillas face, the girl pushing her boyfriend's arm down on the futon etc etc. as I said more heart. It was like the commercial people actually cared about making the commercial so they did a good job. Not like the candy bar people...

"Ahh yeah how about a supermodel taking a break and eating a kit kat. yeah funny yeah....here I'm to tired /stupid to write good dialouge...here I'll just give the job to my drunken dog rusty. say hi rusty....arf...pst remember to put in that line I told you about the sexy pouty face."

tsk tsk tsk. I believed in you johnny rainbow!


Yeah so kids the moral of the story is, you gonna wrtie for commercial when you grow up...write for gum commercials. Adios!