Pick Up This!

Originally this was a segment for our radio show (www.seanandjoel.blogspot.com for details!) that didnt make it past the cutting room floor. Still having the faith that this still is some funny stuff I have decided to post the top ten greatest pick up lines of all time on my blog. By the way there are actually 24 pick up lines on the list. Meh...I was on a roll! Enjoy!

The Top Ten Greatest Pick-Up Lines Of All Time

1. The promoter-“Most girls only look at my bad qualities; they never stop to look at all of my good points and therefore miss seeing the truly great person I am. For example I am not a rapist. That I find is a very good quality to have. Say, can I see your drink for a second?”
2. Try this: Walk into a record shop and ask the girl at the cash-“Say can you help me out, I’m looking for the new ‘Hi my name is Jeff!’ Album entitled “Call me some time!” featuring the hit single “My Phone Number is (416) 339-8701’ ”
3. The she-dropped-her-hanky-routine, but don’t use a hanky-“Excuse me, did you drop this?” (hold up a moose) then say “Now that I’ve got your attention wanna go out sometime?”
   
4. Play to your desperation-“If you reject me the sting of your rejection will be that of a thousand vicious asps, combined with the stinging of 1000 porcupine quills 10,000 cactus needles 100,000 bee stings and a million billion cuts all with lemon juice poured over them. Call me.”
   
5. Whats yer sign with a twist-“I would ask you what your sign is but I already know it’s ‘Beautiful’ ”
   
6. Pretend you are interested in someone else-“Excuse me, I’m trying to pick up that girl over there, what do I have to do to get her to notice me?” Listen for awhile and then say “Boy you are so observant, say are you available by any chance?”
   
7. Bring into play your commonalities “Hey do you like breathing air?” Wait for a response and say “Really? What a coincidence so do I. Boy we have a lot in common, we should get together sometime.”
   
8. Mr. Sly-“You know I, saw a movie once where a guy tried to pick up a girl by talking about a movie he saw once and then they got together in the end. Weird huh? So what’s your sign?”
   
9. Tell her see is hot in a roundabout way, for example-“A friend of mine said that you were really hot and I did not believe that you were really hot, but now I feel ashamed for my disbelief for I realise that the hotness my friend described you having does not compare to the hotness you possess which I now see you have. I just thought you might want to know that in case you wanted to get together some time or something!”
   
10. Tell her you like her by not telling her you like her, for example-“hey you! Yeah you…YOU SUCK. Ha I just put you down. Don’t you find that An attractive quality for a man to have? Call me!”
    
11. Arrest her attention with an entertaining question-“Hey do you believe in magic? I didn’t until about three seconds ago when I saw your smile. That smile you have…it’s pure magic…hockus pockus…abracadabra…call me…magic…”
    
12. Use a good metaphor-“I wish you were a cheesy pop song, that the crummy radio stations play over and over again, till you get so sick of it that you want throw your radio out the window, cause that way I’d be able to listen to you all the time.”
    
13. Impress her with your good point/s-“I only use short sentences.”-then walk away
    
14. Use a colourful illustration-“I wish I had ten million eyes to watch you with, and ten billion hearts to love you with. Course then I’d probably be some kind of alien freak. But A happy alien freak because I’d be able to watch you…with all those beady eyes…call me.”
    
15. Just be honest-“I wish there were a pick up line to describe what I feel rite now.”
    
16. Talk only in rhyme-“Hello girl, sitting there. I like the colour of your hair. I love your smile I love your laugh. I love your dress, which looks like a dead giraffe. I love the scent of your perfume. It make my heart go boom ka-boom. Now that I’ve got your attention dear, let me please get you a beer.”
    
17. Compliments are nice-“you know If I had never seen a woman before I saw you and you were consequently the last woman I ever saw before I died, I would die thinking, ‘Wow, Women are Beautiful!’ Call me!”
    
18. Compare her to one of your heroes-“You know you remind me of Eleanor Rosevelt because you don’t let your beautiful body overshadow your beautiful mind.”
    
19. Make a bold and daring statement –“You know if my life could be contained in a single moment let it be this moment that I met you.”
    
20. Challenge her heart as well as her head-“You know Einstein said that everything is relative, and that we are all subject to time and space. Makes you think…”
    
21. Not quite sure what this is-“You know, I don’t know much about women but I know so fine when I see it.”
    
22. “ ‘Scuse me ma’am? Is this seat taken?”-say this to her while she’s standing up.
    
23. Be blunt-“You know if I was a girl I’d want to look like you, cause you’re HOT!”
    
24. This one always gets the girls-“Even if I was gay I’d still think you were beautiful.”