Pick Up This!

Originally this was a segment for our radio show (www.seanandjoel.blogspot.com for details!) that didnt make it past the cutting room floor. Still having the faith that this still is some funny stuff I have decided to post the top ten greatest pick up lines of all time on my blog. By the way there are actually 24 pick up lines on the list. Meh...I was on a roll! Enjoy!

The Top Ten Greatest Pick-Up Lines Of All Time

1. The promoter-“Most girls only look at my bad qualities; they never stop to look at all of my good points and therefore miss seeing the truly great person I am. For example I am not a rapist. That I find is a very good quality to have. Say, can I see your drink for a second?”
2. Try this: Walk into a record shop and ask the girl at the cash-“Say can you help me out, I’m looking for the new ‘Hi my name is Jeff!’ Album entitled “Call me some time!” featuring the hit single “My Phone Number is (416) 339-8701’ ”
3. The she-dropped-her-hanky-routine, but don’t use a hanky-“Excuse me, did you drop this?” (hold up a moose) then say “Now that I’ve got your attention wanna go out sometime?”
   
4. Play to your desperation-“If you reject me the sting of your rejection will be that of a thousand vicious asps, combined with the stinging of 1000 porcupine quills 10,000 cactus needles 100,000 bee stings and a million billion cuts all with lemon juice poured over them. Call me.”
   
5. Whats yer sign with a twist-“I would ask you what your sign is but I already know it’s ‘Beautiful’ ”
   
6. Pretend you are interested in someone else-“Excuse me, I’m trying to pick up that girl over there, what do I have to do to get her to notice me?” Listen for awhile and then say “Boy you are so observant, say are you available by any chance?”
   
7. Bring into play your commonalities “Hey do you like breathing air?” Wait for a response and say “Really? What a coincidence so do I. Boy we have a lot in common, we should get together sometime.”
   
8. Mr. Sly-“You know I, saw a movie once where a guy tried to pick up a girl by talking about a movie he saw once and then they got together in the end. Weird huh? So what’s your sign?”
   
9. Tell her see is hot in a roundabout way, for example-“A friend of mine said that you were really hot and I did not believe that you were really hot, but now I feel ashamed for my disbelief for I realise that the hotness my friend described you having does not compare to the hotness you possess which I now see you have. I just thought you might want to know that in case you wanted to get together some time or something!”
   
10. Tell her you like her by not telling her you like her, for example-“hey you! Yeah you…YOU SUCK. Ha I just put you down. Don’t you find that An attractive quality for a man to have? Call me!”
    
11. Arrest her attention with an entertaining question-“Hey do you believe in magic? I didn’t until about three seconds ago when I saw your smile. That smile you have…it’s pure magic…hockus pockus…abracadabra…call me…magic…”
    
12. Use a good metaphor-“I wish you were a cheesy pop song, that the crummy radio stations play over and over again, till you get so sick of it that you want throw your radio out the window, cause that way I’d be able to listen to you all the time.”
    
13. Impress her with your good point/s-“I only use short sentences.”-then walk away
    
14. Use a colourful illustration-“I wish I had ten million eyes to watch you with, and ten billion hearts to love you with. Course then I’d probably be some kind of alien freak. But A happy alien freak because I’d be able to watch you…with all those beady eyes…call me.”
    
15. Just be honest-“I wish there were a pick up line to describe what I feel rite now.”
    
16. Talk only in rhyme-“Hello girl, sitting there. I like the colour of your hair. I love your smile I love your laugh. I love your dress, which looks like a dead giraffe. I love the scent of your perfume. It make my heart go boom ka-boom. Now that I’ve got your attention dear, let me please get you a beer.”
    
17. Compliments are nice-“you know If I had never seen a woman before I saw you and you were consequently the last woman I ever saw before I died, I would die thinking, ‘Wow, Women are Beautiful!’ Call me!”
    
18. Compare her to one of your heroes-“You know you remind me of Eleanor Rosevelt because you don’t let your beautiful body overshadow your beautiful mind.”
    
19. Make a bold and daring statement –“You know if my life could be contained in a single moment let it be this moment that I met you.”
    
20. Challenge her heart as well as her head-“You know Einstein said that everything is relative, and that we are all subject to time and space. Makes you think…”
    
21. Not quite sure what this is-“You know, I don’t know much about women but I know so fine when I see it.”
    
22. “ ‘Scuse me ma’am? Is this seat taken?”-say this to her while she’s standing up.
    
23. Be blunt-“You know if I was a girl I’d want to look like you, cause you’re HOT!”
    
24. This one always gets the girls-“Even if I was gay I’d still think you were beautiful.”

Christmas 2005

Well everyone Christmas was yesterday; I had a regular blast. We didn't do anything too crazy, usually we spend the whole day except for the morning at relatives houses and come home very late. We came home early because my dad we fealing unwell. I think he feels better today. Anyways it was alot of fun!

My sister Catherine enjoying her new scarf! yes...very dramatic Cat!

Here's a pic of me on christmas morning. I'm holding the contents of my 40k Ork Battleforce. Man, it came with so much stuff. I'm going to be spending most of this holiday assemblign stuff, so I guess all those posts I said I would post, I probably won't now! By the way if any of my campaign mates are reading this, be warned! Da Boyz is Going Tuh War! WAAAAGH!

My little sis Sarah, being crazy...as usual! Merry Christmas Smoo!

Ahh happiness is a warm Calvin and Hobbes Treasury! My sister knew just what to get me. She got me that and the portable CD player I'm listening to! Thanks angain Liz.

The family all gathered around for christmas dinner at my aunts house, all wearing our christmas cracker hats. Thanks again everyone for your gifts, I loved every last one of them. You guys are the best!

More dinner photos! And yes, the food was delicious! Yum!

And here we are all around the fireplace after christmas lunch! You know if that fireplace was lit (and my aunt had actually put up a Christmas tree!) it might look like a Norman Rockwell painting. Speaking of which, Dad I hope you liked your gift!

My sister loved this pic. Me and Liz are acting all tough! Merry Christmas Yo!

Little Bit A Update

Ok so I havent posted in a while! It always happens this time of year what with Christmas and work piling up and general laziness etc. etc. And since I have work over the break, am involved in a crazy filming project and miniature gaming campaign posts will still continue to be irregular. We did have some good times this year All things concidered! Oh yeah good times. Sean if you're reading this, post the top ten sayings on your blog whydoncha? Anyways I just wanted to post before Christmas just to wish everyone I know a good one, and to keep you abreast of upcomming posts.

I know that last year I pormised a few posts after the winter lul that just didnt happen, but this year I resolve to try harder (and give up smoking!) For anyone who has heard of the despute I had with frozen hamster over the whole 'lost' thing, you will know that he lent me the entire first season which I watched, along with all the special features. My difinitive opinions on the show shall be revealed in a post I hope to title "Where Lost gets Lost." By the way, there is a very adequette response to frozen hamsters blog on gettign the box set by one angry lost fan.

For those of you who love monkeys, I also plan to post a review of this winters epic flick "King Kong." That is all I shall reveal for now about my opinions on the movie, other than the fact that if you are still here reading this blog, you really should be out watching Kong.

Of course I intend some other random hopefully hilarious posts later in the year as well. Well that's it. Have a Merry Christmas and an Undisputed New Year!

Brothers?

Yeah just incase there was any discrepincy about that picture reference in the last blog, I think this should clear it up!

Sean Baldwin The End of the Experiment

If you have been to www.freshmaker7.blogspot.com you will notice that Sean has got his computer back. This said, I don't think the girl experiment is going to work out very well, provided they are not noobing out on battlefield 2. But fear not friends. Unbeknownst to him I will still conduct the odd experiment, simply because he makes such a good subject, from time to time. However, I feel it is essential not to take another step without revealing a few of my carefull observations about the whole experiment in general. To take another step without reviewing the facts would be folly, or in other words really really bad. So heres the low down. Enjoy.

Why Sean Baldwin Has no Hope in That Bad Place with the Fire of Ever Having a Girlfriend (shortened title)

An Essay by Undisputed King (Me!)

Sean and Video Games

While most people develop an interest in girls at a certain age Sean has not fully. But he has developed an interest in games of a video nature. It can be easily said that since he has been playing with video games longer than he has been playing with girls (stop it you dirty people. That's not what I meant! I know what you're thinking!) The video game has replaced the place in Seans life where the girl should be. Below is an example.

(cat 1 talks to cat 2 who is playing with a piece of string)

Cat1: Hey, whatcha doin'?

Cat2: Not much just playing with this piece of string.

Cat1: Cool I'll see you later, like oh in about a year!

(a year later, Cat2 is still playing with string. Cat one has a mouse in it's teeth)

Cat1: Hey, wanna come catch mice with me? It's fun!

Cat2: No thanks! I'm busy playing with this string.

Mouse: mother always told me not to leave the hole alone! Why didnt I listen? WHY?

(mouse is instantly devoured by cat one. Cat two continues playing with the string.)

As is with the cat, the video game has replaced the female element in seans life, become the string if you will. When the mouse is replaced by the string, there is no need for the mouse.

Aggressivness

On hearing the news about his computers repair, from one canadian computing establishment, I unfortunatly witnessed a display to which this day I still have nightmares. Sean made hollering noises which now I know are the sounds of 'pwnage!' the subject began running off the walls (literally!) uttering phrases like "I'll pwn you beetches. The Noob cycle has been brought back into ballance." The subject then offended my senses with a few pelvic thrusts, and started "owning" his moitor (the said monitor is now in critical condition.) This aggressive behaviour can only be described as what is best known as a girl repellent. Any lady who perfers sweet sensitive, understanding guys, or normal human beings, would find sean's behaviour abrasive.

Looks

Partially because of the Sean's aggressive nature, it has developed an aggressive look. While not ugly, it can be safe to say that Sean is not beautiful. This aside there are many other subtile things about the Seans appearance that may be found repellent by most people. Here is an unaltered photograph.

A recent suvey shows that 9.5 out of 10 girls would not like to date the guy in this picture. (inceidently the tenth girl is named "Frou Shezennooberpownernbum" and is currently awaiting sentance in a war crimes tribunal.)

Sean Baldwin Doesnt Care About Noobs

Sean Thinks of himself as an '1337' gamer and as such he pwns noobs with little or no regard to their feelings. In a recent conversation with Sean, the elite gamer stated "I pwned so many noobs this weekend I ranked up twice." Kanye East recently was seen on television giving a raise money for mistreated noobs benefit and candidly spoke out about his opinons with Sean Baldwin's treatment of noobs. His statements are below.

I hate the way they portray noobs in the media. You seen a noob pwning it's called hxors!!!! If Sean Baldwin does it it's called pwnage!!!! And nobody cares because most of the people are noobs. And even for me to complain about it I would be a hypocrite because I've tried to turn my montior off because it's too hard to watch. I've been noobing out before giving a noob donation, I've been calling my clan mate trying to see what is the biggest score I can get. And just to imagine if I was online and those were my people getting pwned. If there is anybody out there that wants to give anything we can help, with the setup, the way the server is set up, we can help. The noobs, the mmo people, those with less ram, [it's] slow as possible. Noob cross is doing everything they can. We already realise most of the people who can help are playing CS right now fighting another way. They've already given them permission to log on and pwn us!!

(Here, coanchor Austin Powers interjected an unrelated statement. Kanye East finished off with this closing remark.)

Sean Baldwin Doesn't care about noobs!

There you have it! If a celebrity says it's true, then it must be true. This is Undisputed King signing off for the Baldwin Report...for now!!

Lets Make a few Notes...(Sean Baldwin VS. The Girls part four)

Ok ok ok ok. I think I just might have gone in over my head with this one! Educating Sean Baldwin about girls is not going to be as easy as I thought. I had to fail him on the picture association quiz, though I did give him an 'A' for effort (he tried, bless his heart, he did try!) I will give him this though...even I'm not sure about the body-builder! Yikes!

These tests have lead me to believe a very important truth...Sean is a nerd! I know what you're thinking, "Dude, you've known this guy since you were in grade three, he's a hard core computer gamer, he thinks female is an extention of g-mail, only with more inbox space! And you're telling me you didn't know he was a nerd?" Yes, yes all true. But you must remember one can lie on borderline nerdiness with out actually gaining the rank of "nerd."

Since Sean knows so little about girls that if he were to be locked in a room with a beautiful and friendly girl, chances are he would try to install 'battlefield 2' on her hard drive (which would not be well recieved on the part of the girl!) I prepared a few diagrams to help him understand the basics. I started with the easy stuff, as you have to crawl before you walk or as sean would say "u hve 2 get up ur micro b4 u can pwn!!!!!!!!13367!!!!" I have posted the notes below.

(click to enlarge)

Sean Says: "So the one with the dress...is that like the USMC?"

SeaN Baldwin Picture Association

Ok let us review the facts: Sean baldwin does not know how to treat girls. What am I saying? Treat them? He doesnt know what they are! T
hus I have prepared a little picture association quiz for him to take entitled "Is this a Girl?"


Seans Answer: He does have the man boobs....

Sean: Whoa.... That guy is really gay.....

Sean: BOOM HEADSHOT!!!!!!11!!!!!!! That is 1337 H#@XorS!
Sean: Well he is pregnant.....what's with the wrench????
Sean: WTF?! 'Root me'?!?!?!? I guess she is like some uber n00b that doesn't know how to plant a tree....
Sean: Is this a trick question?
Sean: This is a tough one.... Either way I won't beable to sleep tonight.
Sean: Guy! Definitley a guy! Surronded by his 4 girlfriends.....oh wait maybe it's the team from cool runnings!

Sean, sean, sean...we have much work to do....

Sean Baldwin Evaluation

I have decided to give my friend a preliminary evaluation in order to see what his strenghts and weaknesses iin the area of women. The results are below. I am sorry to say the results are not favourable. But there is hope as his answer to question three indicates, at least he knows enough about girls to know he knows nothing about them. I realize now that the experiment will prove more difficult than I had first anticipated. I realise that I will have to start with the basics. Tomorow I shall give him a piture association test entitled "Is This a Girl?"

(Click for larger view)

Sean Says: "Was this testing my micro??!!11!!!"